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Saturday, 05 September 2009 01:20 |
Does the tough love parenting method assist children with growing and evolving into mature, responsible balanced adults? It is surely a way to work with children, but does it benefit children more so than simple love? No, it does not. Then why do parents still use tough love parenting?
Every parent has used it to some degree. It is the process of approaching and raising children from the ego-perspective using force. Tough love parenting forces children to be a certain way through, usually, verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Abuse is tough but not in a loving way. Parents use tough love parenting to deal with situations because they have no other coping mechanisms to use. Parents call this abuse tough love because they want to be seen and feel as though they are good loving parents. Parents who use the tough love parenting method want to feel it is actually good for their child’s development when in fact it is detrimental. Please remember that soul-based parenting includes allowing, observing, learning and understanding. Ego-based parenting relates to forcing, judging, proving and blaming.
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One evening I was driving home and having a conversation with God and saying "how could my son ever survive, having had such nut cases for parents." It finally occurred to me that as long as I was seeing my son as a victim, I was helping to cripple him. I decided that perhaps my son, being a spiritual being also, was probably capable of taking is own spiritual path and that he was also that connection to God himself. Life has been so much easier, for both me and him, since I started seeing him as a powerful and mighty being.
I have been butting heads with this very parenting style for years, I always knew it just wasn't right but could not explain what it was about that I had such a problem with. This definition hit it right on the head for me. Until now all I could come up with was "You first need love and then it has to be tough" because it was my sense that this practice was far too easy for some people so it just makes perfect sense that it is EGO-BASED. Thank you!
Thanks for putting this explanation out there...there are far too many who need to know this and understand it!
Blessings,
Stella ;-) (ps- I'm a friend of Leah's)